This pose has taught me a lot. With worsening covid-19 situation in Indonesia, uncertainties in many things in my life loom large. I cancelled several trips. I wasn’t able to travel to study yoga and so on. But what keeps me grounded on most days is the ashtanga practice. There are days I am beyondContinue reading “Pincha Mayurasana #ashtanga”
Category Archives: depression
Dry soil
One step at a timeOne step forwardTwo steps backwardsI come back to a square one My heart is fragile but hardLike dry soil waiting to be grabbedSmashed, thrown away like dust Now that my head and heart have goneSo too, the memory of you has blownDeleted, like hot butter easily meltedMerged into nothingness, you boltedContinue reading “Dry soil”
Numb
When feeling numb turns into numberRemaining months, I count ’til DecemberDare I, care I not, for planting my blunderOf continuing this life, ain’t even sober Bear with me, it saysWho is it? Drags my four legs into dreading days Days filled with void,Emptiness rushes back inEach second I avoid,It ruptures my skin For my heartContinue reading “Numb”
I got something I don’t know…
It comes again. Every couple of years, I would get a Radiohead addiction which basically means that I would listen to their songs over, over and over again. Indeed that indicates something: I am depressed and finding a solace in songs which I can relate too well: Radiohead’s. You name it, the slip-up yet theContinue reading “I got something I don’t know…”
Detailed account at last #MentalHealthUpdate
Trigger warning: what you are about to read below is a detailed personal account of mental health issues, avoid reading if necessary. It’s crazy how an innocent pill could make me crippled in bed and three days after, I am still experiencing its adverse effects, albeit not much as the first day. What’s going on?Continue reading “Detailed account at last #MentalHealthUpdate”
Life worth living
What is life worth living?Constant euphoric state of mind, is it?Or unfazed moments of happiness?Or repeated togetherness, no space for loneliness?Or freeing your doubt of rejection, being abandoned?Or simply being in love, eternally? What is it?I have been dying needed to feel thingsScratching mazes, searching for hidden meaningOr any pattern drawn by whoever morphed meContinue reading “Life worth living”
It cuts deeper
Did I just go back to square one when it comes to mental illnesses? Oh no honey, you were far back, regressing to about minus 100. Yep, that’s how I have been feeling lately. The agony cuts so deep, even deeper than the previous ones that I had years before. I have been suspecting aContinue reading “It cuts deeper”
The polar opposite
You’ve been warned: EXPLICIT WORDS What is killing me slowly is the switching from one polar opposite above the neutral line of mood chart to the pit of depression; that is hollow, dark and sharp as if being stabbed by multiple knives simultaneously. I usually have pretty manageable days in a week, maybe about twoContinue reading “The polar opposite”
uncensored raw thoughts
These days have been rough when it comes to my mental health conditions. I have been experiencing what I termed “imbalance-turbulence” literally 24/7 even in my sleep. I could barely sleep except if I took strongest anti-anxiety pill, yet I kept waking up to life that my mind tried to avoid. Most of the times,Continue reading “uncensored raw thoughts”
solitude or loneliness
There are two basic emotional states that one can dwell intoOne would spend one’s entire life ricocheting between these twoLove and the lack thereofOne would waste time searching for the formerOnly to realise, one opens the door for the latter Many years have passedMany more, if I were to surviveShall I experience a long lifeWillContinue reading “solitude or loneliness”
healing through yoga 